Your explanation for my months long absence? The doctor says I should try to avoid politics. Otherwise real papers for real college courses have been ebbing my creative flow.
So, to address the wanton lack of long promised and never delivered movie reviews; here are the films released in 2010 that I've seen and didn't otherwise cover. In order of release date, reviewed in four words of less.
1. The Book of Eli: God loves Mad Max.
2. The Tooth Fairy: God hates Dwayne Johnson.
3. Extraordinary Measures: Extraordinary boredom.
4. Legion: Just watch "The Prophecy."
5. Edge of Darkness: Wicked retahded Gahbage.
6. From Paris With Love: Not Travolta's second comeback.
7. Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief: Stole my 118 minutes.
8. The Wolf Man: AAAAAOOOOOOooooooo zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
9. Cop Out: Dear Kevin Smith, stop.
10. The Secret of Kells: A Masterpiece, see it.
11. Alice in Wonderland: Same crap, new hat.
12. Hot Tub Time Machine: TWO DOLLARS!
13. How to Train Your Dragon: Adaptation decay in 3D!
14. Clash of the Titans: Eye-catching, yet soulless fun.
15. Date Night: Talent thoroughly wasted.
16. Kick-Ass: Did!
17. Iron Man 2: Not Enough War Machine!
18. MacGruber: MacStupid.
19. Get Him to the Greek: Another third act abortion.
20. The A-Team: More like A minus.
21. The Last Airbender: Raped childhoods and franchises.
22. Despicable Me: De-skippable-me.
23. Predators: Vs. the Franchise Reboot.
24. The Sorcerer's Apprentice: Mickey had more soul.
25. Inception: The year's best film.
26. Salt. Jason Bourne with boobies.
27. Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore: woof...
28. The Expendables: Was.
29. Vampires Suck: So did this movie.
30. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Gave me a nerdgasm!
31. Centurion: The 9th legion... again...
32. Alpha and Omega in 3D: Σκατά in 3D.
33. Megamind: Never mind.
34. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1: End already...
35. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader: Parables, ON A BOAT!
36. Tron: Legacy: Light-jets! Daft Punk!
Red: I'd fuck Helen Mirren
ReplyDeleteWhere did you find the translator for "shit" in greek?
ReplyDeleteI typed "crap in greek" into Google and it was the first link.
ReplyDeleteA funny smart time-saver!
ReplyDeleteThat was a fun read. Here's a few of my own... each review using exactly four words (sort of):
ReplyDeleteShutter Island: Very clever final twist
A Nightmare on Elm Street: Rent the original film
Iron Man 2: Better than Transformers 2
Twilight Saga - Eclipse: Soap opera with monsters
The Last Airbender: Every character made uninteresting
Tangled: Didn't cry, I swear
Black Swan: Ballerinas gone bad? Awesome!