"High Brow"

I own two versions of the bible, the King James and New International Version.

I was recently asked to compare the two by a fellow student. My response was quite possibly the "smartest" joke I've ever told.

"Well," I said "Although it is probably less accurate to the original Greek and Hebrew, I prefer the King James; it reads like Shakespeare. The NIV comes off like a bad translation of the Oresteian Trilogy."

Nobody laughed.

New England as a dysfunctional family

New Hampshire - Your cool hunting buddy who's always good for a brew and a stogie.

Vermont - New Hampshire's hippie little sister that's so fucking hot you just want to be around her. Despite the fact that when she opens her mouth, you want to slap her silly.

Maine - Their Dad, who after his divorce went a little nuts, moved into the mountains and turned into a hillbilly.

Massachusetts - Their Mom who, in addition to having a colossal ego, has almost completely forgotten that Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine exist, unless its an election year.

Connecticut – Massachusetts’s rich Jewish lawyer husband

Rhode Island - Massachusetts’s and Connecticut’s new little boy that everybody likes even though he refuses to bathe.

I am all that is Man!

What follows is the first of many reposts from my old blog.

Amongst men, it is common to test one's mettle against that which would make all but those of the most profound intestinal fortitude recoil in disgust! For we, who would easily place our bodies in the most unpleasant of physical circumstances (be it in the name of sport or in the pursuit of those of the fairer sex); are often otherwise overwhelmed by circumstances that would place our person (or olfactory facilities) in contact with any of the multitudes of repulsive substances.

But lo, there comes a time when a man is forced to make a choice: Suffer the consequences of a quandary unsolved; or acquire the difficulty into his own realm of manipulation and, risking the often unbearable consequences, resolve the matter by his hand alone.
To choose the former is not folly and would not reduce his status, however; to chose the latter, the man may yet gain a far greater position of acclaim amongst his peers.

So it is with a great eruption of pride that I, the humble servant of the common good and devout protector of his household. Faced with a member of the canine persuasion who, through no fault of her own, was afflicted with an overabundance of scent marking fluids, bravely placed my glove'd hand about her reward orifice and, in order to relieve her suffering and mine own, squeezed and drained her anal-sacs.